five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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