and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
