i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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