He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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