lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
