You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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