is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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