This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
