Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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