I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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