She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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