I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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