i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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