I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
