Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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