who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
