you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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