That's intense
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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