Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
