Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
