If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
