There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
