I smell stomach acid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize