3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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