You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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