she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
