he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
