pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
