I love black thongs
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize