i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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