Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
