tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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