The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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