Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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