Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
