sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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