spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize