I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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