I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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