My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
