what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize