I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize