I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
