my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
