He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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