Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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