i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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