Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
