your thong is hanging out like whoa
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
