I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
