what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
