Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
