can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
