So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
