I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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