i love accidental penises.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
