Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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