Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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