my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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