ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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