I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
