I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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