Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
