Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
