Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
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