My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
