I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Everything about him screamed your future.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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