She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
