feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize