I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
