When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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