Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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