respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
