Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
