hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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