Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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