need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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