his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
