Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize