I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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