I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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