Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
