Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
