yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
