Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
